Grandma

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. My grandma passed away this morning at KU Med. She had been fighting and fighting and she just got too tired. Dad, mom, Justin, Taegan, and I got the chance to go up and see her on Saturday. She woke up while I was in there and talked with me for about 10 minutes. She told me that she had been fighting hard and that she was getting tired. She asked if she could see Taegan and I had to tell her that I could not bring her in the ICU. I did promise I would give her a kiss for her and take extra special care of her. I also told her that I loved her and that she had been an amazing grandma to me. She raised her arm to give me a hug and I just leaned down and kissed her head and rested my face there. In my heart I knew that she was telling me she was too tired to keep going. She had fought her battle and she wanted me to know that she was tired. I told her it was okay-that she could be tired and let her body rest. I would be here for grandpa and help where I could. She was very grateful and did not want to stop talking to me, but she was too tired to keep talking. I just held her hand for a few minutes, told her to rest and that it was okay to rest. That I would stay strong and take care of things. She said she trusted me and loved me and I said goodbye.

She had a full weekend with all of her family going up to see her and be with her. She knew that grandpa would be there this morning to be with her. What a strong woman-I look up to her so much. We have amazing memories together that I will cherish until I get to see her again. I did not sleep well last night at all. I would wake every hour to memories of her and I together. She was in my mind all night. Taegan did not sleep well either and was needing extra love throughout the night. This morning at about 6:45 or so she cried out in her sleep, which she never does, and I knew that grandma was with her. I knew that she had come kissed Taegan and is now watching her. At about 7:15 Justin called to tell me Grandma has died. I do believe that was a sign. I am struggling quite a bit with this, but also know that she just didn't have it in her anymore. This was not the way she wanted to live and we all knew she deserved more. God was with her every step, and as hurt as I am now I know she is up there with him helping me get through today.....