Brutal Honesty

It's time. It's time that I face the fact that my body just isn't what it was before I had kids. And it isn't going to magically go back to what it was before I had them. So, that means that as the owner of this body I get to do the leg work to get it back where I want it! Boo-but it's time. I have two amazing kids that look up to and will look up to me as they grow up and I want them to see the best in me. I want them to know that Mommy is healthy, active, and wants to be here for the long haul for them. I want to play with them, race them, tackle with them, and show them the right way to eat.

There is no denying that I have let myself go over the last 3 years and now it's time to turn this ship around. I know this is going to be SO hard. I am going to go through food withdrawals, caffeine withdrawals, struggle to get motivated with exercise, and making excuses. But I can't. I can't give in, I can't look back, I have to move forward. I have to do this for myself, Justin, and the kids. I am not healthy right now and I am not happy right now. I have to dig deep and put everything on the line. One of the hardest parts is going to be turning down things and staying strong...so if I turn you down for something don't be offended. Just know that I am working hard on me and will be back when I am stronger. I am asking for support from anyone and everyone because I have never devoted my whole self to doing something like this.

I am going to be taking pictures through my progress and I hope this helps me and will inspire others to do something about themselves if they need to. This will keep me accountable and invested in this process.

Here I am today at my biggest weight...which I'm not going to reveal because I can't dig that deep yet. Thanks for your support and willingness to help me when I need it! I am looking to Justin for encouragement because last fall and winter he lost 40 pounds so I know it can be done. He will actually be working on losing more with me through this...and I will NOT get discouraged when he loses more than me for the week or month!!!!

This week I am starting with cutting back my calories and stopping all pop intake!!!! Baby steps...

My Valentines-

Today has been a fun day! It is so neat to celebrate holidays with kids when they finally start to get it a little bit. She has loved taking the time to write her name on her valentines for her friends and she loves getting mail!!!
Flowers from Daddy for his little Valentine!!! She was SOOO excited they were for her!
These are what we worked hard on yesterday...gummy bears and teddy grahams. She wrote her name on the valentine inside the bag.
So excited for preschool this morning in her new outfit.
Trying to get these two to work together for a picture makes me sweat...
but they are worth it.

I love you both!!!!

9 months old...

Laekan Harper- Are you really 9 months old?!? Mommy and Daddy are head over heels in love with you and we have loved watching you change this month into a little boy...almost not a baby anymore! We are so excited to see you grow and become that ornery little guy that we will love to share with everyone. You are so much like Daddy that we just have to laugh each day about it. You look JUST like him, act laid back like him, can get worked up at times but calm easily, and the best is that you are SOOO happy!!! You have been fighting a nasty cold and bronchitis this past month and there were a few nights that you spent in my arms getting back to sleep since you didn't feel good. Those nights were long-but I just held you and soaked you up knowing I won't always have those nights. You are finally feeling better-thank goodness. Here is what you are up to right now:

*You are wearing 9 month-12 month clothes, 12 month jammies
*You weigh 22 lbs, 1 oz and 30 inches long
*You are wearing size 3 diapers during the day and size 3 at night
*Same eating and sleeping schedule
*You continue to eat oatmeal with a fruit for breakfast and a veggie at dinner. Still no food at lunch, but we will start that up again soon.
*We have moved you from eating your bottle in your rock n play to eating at your high chair. That is going well and you are starting to eat much better there. Still takes you about 20-30 minutes to drink your bottle.
*You are still rocking the morning and afternoon naps-Mommy loves that!
*You are eating puffs much better-doing great with the pincer grasp.
*You have also had pasta, bread, mac and cheese, small bite of ice cream
*I have tried some 3rd foods with you and you actually gagged so much that you threw it up. You just don't expect the chunk of food in there. You do much better with chunks of table food.
*You decided 4 days before turning 9 months that you would crawl!!! Taegan and I were in your room with you when all of a sudden you crawled over to her. Taegan got so excited she saw you do it first!
*Now you are everywhere-the gate is back up at the stairs!
*You are no longer saying mama, but you will say dada-not knowing what it means. You are making lots of noises and will do anything to get our attention.
*We have started teaching you the sign for "more" and are hoping you catch on soon!
*Taegan is loving that you are moving and playing with more toys-although she is having a tough tough time leaving your toys alone and actually letting you play.
*You are still SO happy...
Such a happy, fun guy-but you are moving all the time!!!!
Our little heart breaker...
9 month Dr visit...sat still for a flash!


We love you so much Laekan!!!!

My days...

If I stop and think for a few minutes back to what I thought my life would be like when I was 31-I would have to say that this isn't how I pictured my life! Thankfully, it isn't close to what I envisioned, it is ten times BETTER! I can remember back to when I wasn't going to have any kids at all-it was just going to be me, my husband, some dogs, and one spoiled life for me!
A few years after that I had conceded in my mind to having ONE kid, me, my husband, some dogs, and still a pretty spoiled life for me. In this vision I was working as a teacher and my child would attend a daycare until they ended up coming to school with me wherever I was at. My husband would be working an office job 8-4 Monday through Friday.
My reality: two amazing kids, a husband that works any and all hours on any given day-not in an office, I work part-time from home and get to stay home with my kids and raise them just how we want, two dogs, tight on money, and trying to lose weight!!! I wouldn't trade any of this for something I had envisioned before I actually got to where I am at today. What a blessing it is that someone else makes the big decisions for us and we just live out what HE wants.
Even just a year ago I was so stressed about what our new normal would be with two kids, me trying to work from home and juggle everything. It really was more then I could stand to think about at the time. Now looking back this is JUST what I wanted! I had no idea until I had kids that I wanted to be at home with them and raise them. I had no idea that I would be such an advocate for kids and what they need from their parents. I LOVE my job working with families of little ones and can't believe I am so lucky to be where I am at right now.
Now the losing weight and being tight with our money is also something else I never had on my plan as well. You live and learn, give and take. I never had to watch my weight until I had kids-and now...WOW! I am struggling day to day with this. Watching money was also something I never had to worry about, but we are trying to stay on top of things and get ourselves in a better position to move out of this house and get somewhere for the long haul!
All this to say...I LOVE my days here at home with these two precious little kiddos! They make me so proud everyday and I love watching them grow and change. I can't wait to see what the future holds for all of us!

A fun day together...

Last Friday we had a day with absolutely nothing planned and I was very excited about that. I couldn't decide if we should stay in our jammies all day or get dressed and head somewhere fun to play for a little bit. I talked to Taegan and she decided she wanted to go play...so off we went to the ArtLab here at the local university. It is a free lab that has AWESOME stuff for the kids to do. There are tons of different stations and things for them to do. I was hoping that Laekan would take his nap while we were there-but he decided he wanted to play too! So I gave in and let him play and we all had fun.
How cute is she in this hat-I love it on her!!!
Little man found something that was just his height and he could play with...
...or chew on:) Either way he was happy!!!
Taegan was all over the place-but here she is playing at the lighted Lego table!

We enjoyed our morning together doing something FREE and then went and met my Mom at her work and got some lunch. After lunch we headed to my Mom's, put the kids down for a nap, and started purging our scrapbook area and getting it organized! We are ready to roll now and we each have our own work space. Now all I need to do is google all this cool stuff we have to see how to use it...gotta start somewhere!!!


Happy Monday!

8 months old...

Laekan Harper-I wish you knew how much your Daddy and I love you and enjoy watching you change everyday. Just tonight we took Taegan to Cubbies and we just sat in your room and played with you. It really did my heart good to not have anything else taking my attention away from you and I just soaked you in. You are growing up so fast and I look back tonight as I write this and wonder where the last 8 months have gone. At this time 8 months ago I was holding you for one of the first times and sharing you with your sister-what a night that was! Somedays I want to rewind to that moment and take you all in again-but then I remember that I like my sleep so I will stay where we are:) Here is what you are up to as of today:

*You are wearing 6-9 month clothes, 9 or 12 month jammies
*You just had a Dr. apt yesterday and you weighed 21 pounds 6 oz-BIG BOY!
*You are on your last pack of size 2 diapers then onto 3's! Still in size 3 at night.
*Same schedule for eating and sleeping
*You are eating oatmeal with fruit for breakfast and some mixed stuff at dinner. We tried eating at lunch too, but you weren't drinking your bottles as well so we stopped doing that.
*I think we are onto something good though-we have made the holes in your bottle nipple bigger and you are liking that a lot! This could be the key to get you to eat faster and to eat your lunch bottle with food as well. We will see.
*Naps are going well in the morning and afternoon-keep it up!!!
*You have started waking up some mornings around 6 or so, but as long as I leave you alone you will put yourself back to sleep!!! Good boy.
*You are doing better about actually getting 28 ounces in everyday.
*You are eating puffs much better and are able to get them to your mouth all alone.
*You had a great Christmas and really weren't interested in it at all.
*You have also tried pasta noodles-which you love, corn-which you weren't excited about, and some bread.
*You are on stage 2 foods and I have some 3 foods here that we will try soon. You are a great eater.
*You love sitting with your drawer of toys and playing. You will play and play and then get your sisters attention so she will play with you.
*You have started "talking" to us. We all eat dinner together at the table and you will just yell out and then Taegan will yell back and you both will go back and forth. So funny!
*Just tonight you went from rocking on all fours to sitting up...we cheered and cheered for you!
*Sophie and your blankie are still your go to things that we need to take everywhere with us.
*Taegan is so over the moon for you and is so excited for you to become mobile-she has no idea what she is in for.
*You will say "mama" when you are mad or crying. I'm not sure you know exactly what it means, but Daddy thinks it is a good reason for me to take care of you:)
*You are SO happy all the time-we love it.

Rocking on all fours-determined to crawl soon.

Happy, happy little man in a cute workout outfit and Nike's!

We are working on getting you to stand on your flat feet-you like to only use your tippy toes.

Thank you Daddy for helping with the pictures this month!!!

We adore you Laekan and love you to pieces!!! We are so excited to share this month with you.

All about my little(big) girl!

I'm not sure if you all know, but I have a 3 and a half year old in my house and there are days I am sure she is at least 8! WOW-we are going to have our hands full with her. Who am I kidding? We already have our hands full and I have no clue how we will make it through the teen years. But today, I am not going to even think about those days..I am going to get so excited about what she is up to right now!

We continue to do preschool time everyday. Somedays look different then what I had in mind for preschool time, but she is still working on learning and doing things. She shocks Justin and I on what she picks up even when we aren't paying attention and just how well she is progressing in her knowledge. She continues to memorize her weekly verse for Cubbies at church, does great following rules at preschool, can color inside the lines of all pictures, is doing well at seek and find, has started playing board games with us in the evenings, and can even....

Write her own name-all by herself!!! I was amazed when she asked me one day how to make a "g" and then she whipped out her name alone. I was SO proud of her...I was at a loss of words I was so excited.

She is turning into a young little girl and I really can't even imagine what I will say when she is 8 or older. Justin and I are so lucky to call her ours...even when she is SO stubborn that we both want to pull our hair out! Yes, we have quite a few days like that around here!!

She has started to want to pose for me and the camera-so this was her photo session:)

Really-can you see her attitude here?!

And her silliness?! I ADORE her and everything she does and says. Even on the trying days when I'm not sure I can handle another minute. There is nothing I wouldn't do for her...not one thing! She is our world along with her brother and we will never take her for granted!

She kills me...notice the mismatch socks?? That is thanks to her Aunt Kendra!!!

We love you Taegan McKenna!!!!

Reality.

Sometimes taking a step back and looking at things like they really are is hard, really hard. You have to do it though if you want to get ahead. So, on New Year's Day, Justin and I sat down and picked apart everything we were unhappy/wanted to improve about in our current situation. Here is a list of what we are going to tackle:

*Spend more time as a family without things getting in the middle of our time. The kids are growing way too fast and we want to enjoy all the stages and steps that we have with them. You have no idea when that time will be gone.
*Eat healthy and at home. We got into a terrible routine of eating out and grabbing something quick. This hurt us in many ways-we have put on weight, we have spent money we don't have on food, and we have given up that time around the table as a family. I love cooking, meal planning, and providing dinner for the family. We have enjoyed doing this for the last two weeks.
*Exercise and lose weight. Justin rocked out losing weight towards the end of the year and I did nothing to lose weight. In fact it appears as though I was doing everything to gain weight. For our Christmas present to each other we bought an elliptical machine and will work out on this here at home. My goal is 5 days a week, Justin does it just about everyday! I'm going to do my best to make small weight loss goals to reach instead of the big goal at the end...I will update as I go.
*Pay off our debt. We would like to build/buy a house and be settled in the school district that we want the kids to go to by the time Taegan starts school. She will start September of 13. That gives us this entire year to pay off all the debt we can and start saving. Justin is very into wanting to build and although I think that would be great I'm just not sure we can afford that? We will see. But right now our goal is to pay off debt.
*Not use credit cards. With the goal of paying everything off in mind we are going to be using only cash. We have sat down and looked at stuff and have divided up where money will go. It is very similar to Dave Ramsey and we have money envelopes for each month and for different areas in that month. This will be SO hard, but I know it will be for the best.
*Get involved more in church. We attend every Sunday at 9:30 and for a while we were going to an adult class after service. This was a great class and we liked the people, but we need to find our place in a lot of things before committing to other things. Sunday is our only day for family time and that was taking away time with the kids that right now we are wanting. Our goal is to join back up with the class, when we feel the time is right.


So right now our reality is...being home! We are eager to see what changes happen for us this year and what goals we can reach by being strong and pushing each other. Here is to a great 2012!!!